News Letter update 2

Feburary 10th 2025

Dear Internet

GURL you guys loved these newsletter updates im extremely flattered!!

so i guess i just GOTTA do these forever now so I can keep your entertainment hungry minds fed

I want to start this one off by letting you know I will always be updating these at my local public library so if you want to support my newsletters and comedy please go get yourself a library card and check out some AMAZING BOOKS!! (Id put a link here but im not a coding wizard JUST yet)

also i wanna mention that even though i cant figure out links im getting very good at this html thing i feel like im hacking into the white house

NOT THAT I WOULD

At least not today cause im a tad bit busy

Heres a fashion show of my most recent pinterest obsessions, you guys can totally tell me how amazing id look in these later

As of recent ive been driving around in my dads pick up so I want you all to image these outfits and my overall gay demenor in a BIG pick up truck

Why arent the images the same sizes you ask? BECAUSE IM NOT GOD (Dolly Parton)

Small note here mom I swear im still a child of god im reffering to dolly parton as the one true god as a ironic joke

Ive been talkiing for awhile how are you doing? anything new? drop it in the COMMENTS yeah guys i found the code for a COMMENT SECTION so drop crazy stuff in there tell me about your emprisioned father or the twin you ate in uteror anything really ill even listen to you talk about your wierd aunt barb no one talks to anymore after the INCIDENT at the INSURECTION, DROP A COMMENT gurl

Im gonna open this newsletter to my side segments some reoccuring others not because if I let phil back on here I dont think ill have many viewers left

Phils Corner

Hey im Phil the Philondron Plant, a total cutie pie Jr bought recently for a wopping FIVE dollars

Junior came up to me with a wonderful proposition, I accept him as my father and he lets me communicate with the outside world via his laptop. Ill go ahead and give you some advice. First off those pants your wearing look great you should listen to your mom and buy more from target. That boy steve is really sweet but you should probably steer clear I heard he hates cats. If you need a hug im here but remember I have yoga on thursdays and trisha braids my weave monday mornings. Never tell a girl you love she needs to get a new saddle for her elephant the elephant will feel threatened and crave a socialistic future. Ask junior for his spotify he hads a few good music tastes like anti capitalistic songs that have him on a fbi watch list. Never let your Philondron plant talk on your newsletter.

END OF PHILS CORNER

IF ANYONE ONE ELSE WANTS A CORNER ON MY NEWSLETTER PLEASE EMAIL ME, anythings better then phil

Book Nook

this nook is gonna be my space to talk about anything ive read! first off WOAH assitant to the villain is very good right now I am FEELING it thank you mom for suggesting it Id recommend it myself to anyone with a enjoyment of strong evil men. Next COURT OF THE VAMPIRE QUEEN woah, WOAH jeannette if your reading this please skip to the next paragraph. WOAH 10/10 Very problematic at certain points but GURL that stuff is CRAZY if you have daddy issues and like vampires it is a MUST READ Malachi x Wolf 4-ever. I would say the title kind of gives away the story and it has a very deep wattpad teen writer vibe but WOAH, DO NOT READ IF YOUR NOT PREPARED FOR SPICE and blood lots of blood.

DIY Mutated Stuffed animal

Ok so starting this with time for you all to say im like that one kid from toy story ill give you 10 seconds and then we are MOVING ON .......... Ok ya done? good.

Accepting stuffed animals as they are is the biggest mistake youll ever make. The TRUE beauty of a stuffed animal can only be seen when its form is COMPLETELY mangeled

  • step by step guide to dolls that will make your grandma pray a little harder next sunday
  • Step 1, Choose a vicitim, this parts easy find a doll or multiple dolls that just are not special enough or ones that generally made you mad
  • Step 2, start cutting, take off some limbs snip an ear or two really get creative with it well fix it all later, well mostly
  • Step 3, The needle, choose something easy to thread and stab with I for one use embroidery needles for their sturdyness and high ability but a simple sewing needle works fine
  • step 4, Tap into the evil, remember that time your mom said you couldnt have that barbie? or maybe that math teacher that called you up even though you werent raising your hand and JESSICA WAS RAISING HERS so you found out which car was his and trained pigeons to poop on it. Tap into that dark place and start sewing the stuffies parts together my main rule is never go with what would conventionally be fine
  • step 5, lock that ugly thing in your dresser or something gosh you made an ugly one good job
  • Step 6, Bring it out only when small children visit to create lasting family memorys

    • So thats all this update! Remember my student directed play is march 2-4th! Love you be safe kiss your stuffed animals for me and dave you still owe me 12 bucks so get them to me before next friday cause i owe sarah 23

    Please feel free to leave me a loving comment or a message of encouragement as I take on facism and capitalistic divide with wierd jokes and pictures of cats

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